You Carried Me

As it turns out, I am a talker, not a doer. I seem to find my joy in the maybe's and could be's. I am enthralled by the prospects, but when I go to open the door, my hand hesitates at the handle. Quivering, I question whether I really have the will to follow through, and mostly I question if that will is God's or my own. There comes a time, however, when I have to realize that praying for Christ's guidance means I'm going to have to approach some tough decisions. If it was easy, how would I know that it was God's sovereign hand that held me fast the whole time?

Well, that's exactly what I'm facing right now. Camp Buckskin called me yesterday, thank goodness my phone and I were separated so I couldn't answer. The message said they had all my material and were interested in a phone interview. This would be fantastic news, except, as of late, I've been really hoping to nanny close to home. The camp is in Minnesota, which would be quite a trip and I'm already missing my family. I haven't called the camp back yet because I'm letting it rest on prayer for a few more hours. I'm not sure what I'm going to say, and, more importantly, how I'm going to say it. I want to pursue a job that is actually interested in hiring me and I'm honored that I've been chosen for this next step in their application process. Yet, I know that I won't be able to do this if the camp doesn't agree to pay for my travel expenses... And at the same time I don't know if I want my summer to look busier than my school year. I'm torn and I'm the one that's tearing me. This shouldn't be this hard, but when family, money, and future is on the line my head spins on overdrive.

I will keep you updated on my decisions and God's provisions (as I'm trusting He will grant me) in my move from theory into practice.

I'm not going to "ponder" any longer for thought's sake, but will ponder in anticipation of action. I have to exemplify my trust in the first step, by actually taking a step.