Christmas under the Texas Sunset
It's a new year? Huh, I wonder what it holds?
These last few weeks have served as quite a break from my normal routine. In fact, this Christmas turned out to be a complete departure from everything I've formally called "normal." Unfortunately, I dwelled on the differences for far too long of the holidays and robbed myself of the good memories I could have made. At the same time, I think I needed it in order to sift through my priorities and my frustrations. If I could capture Christmas in one word its this: Confusing. One big unrestrained sigh of brain fog. Yeah, it's hard to see through. I had so many questions, but have realized that they don't have straight answers. I mean, do I really need the answers anyway? Have I decided to only care about what I don't need to know? I guess that's not true. I care about a lot of things. Some I know, some I don't know, some I need to know, and others are honestly inconsequential. Mostly, it was the unchangeable that was bothering me this Christmas. If I thought I hated change, the absence of change when I want it most is even more debilitating.
One thing I've learned from this break is that I have so much left to learn. I thought I'd had a growth spurt of learning this last semester at Bryan, but who knew I'd still be so small in lil' ol' Lumberton? I guess God did, and He sure wasn't going to let me go on without seeing it. The quirks I've developed and have now welcomed as personality staples seemed at first to be the best of company. When coupled with negativity, however, they turn into the worst of predators. It turns out my biggest struggles are with the littlest things. Being unproductive irks me. Putting things off irks me. Ignoring problems irks me. Loose threads irk me. Yes, the ones hanging off of fabric bother me too, if I notice them (which isn't often). :) Of all the things that irk me, I irk me the worst. And I'm stuck with me. So, what's a girl to do? The only thing I need to do: Trust. Trust starts at the foot of the throne of God, where I surrender again and again my will and my dreams to His. Trust moves to my hands and feet, where I wrap my fingers determinedly around those of my Heavenly Father and take those steps which He's already guided me to take. Trust continues to my head and heart, where I not only learn and meditate on what is right, pure, and noble (Phil. 4:8) but allow it to permeate past my intellect.
"When I am afraid, I will put my trust in Thee." —Psalm 56:3
In other news, I am staying another night in Texas due to the nasty weather that is taking the southern states by (snow) storm. I am also both extremely excited and extremely nervouse about several impending events.
Excited:
1. The iphone is coming to Verizon!!!
2. My Suite-mate is getting married!!! (I'm sorry I didn't put you in front of the iphone.)
3. I had my interview with Camp Olympia and thought it went well! (that only merits one exclamation mark)
Nervous:
Wow. Now that I'm actually considering writing these down, they sound pretty stupid. I guess I'll keep them to myself for now. But if you feel obliged, I would appreciate general prayer.
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair." —A Tale of Two Cities
These last few weeks have served as quite a break from my normal routine. In fact, this Christmas turned out to be a complete departure from everything I've formally called "normal." Unfortunately, I dwelled on the differences for far too long of the holidays and robbed myself of the good memories I could have made. At the same time, I think I needed it in order to sift through my priorities and my frustrations. If I could capture Christmas in one word its this: Confusing. One big unrestrained sigh of brain fog. Yeah, it's hard to see through. I had so many questions, but have realized that they don't have straight answers. I mean, do I really need the answers anyway? Have I decided to only care about what I don't need to know? I guess that's not true. I care about a lot of things. Some I know, some I don't know, some I need to know, and others are honestly inconsequential. Mostly, it was the unchangeable that was bothering me this Christmas. If I thought I hated change, the absence of change when I want it most is even more debilitating.
One thing I've learned from this break is that I have so much left to learn. I thought I'd had a growth spurt of learning this last semester at Bryan, but who knew I'd still be so small in lil' ol' Lumberton? I guess God did, and He sure wasn't going to let me go on without seeing it. The quirks I've developed and have now welcomed as personality staples seemed at first to be the best of company. When coupled with negativity, however, they turn into the worst of predators. It turns out my biggest struggles are with the littlest things. Being unproductive irks me. Putting things off irks me. Ignoring problems irks me. Loose threads irk me. Yes, the ones hanging off of fabric bother me too, if I notice them (which isn't often). :) Of all the things that irk me, I irk me the worst. And I'm stuck with me. So, what's a girl to do? The only thing I need to do: Trust. Trust starts at the foot of the throne of God, where I surrender again and again my will and my dreams to His. Trust moves to my hands and feet, where I wrap my fingers determinedly around those of my Heavenly Father and take those steps which He's already guided me to take. Trust continues to my head and heart, where I not only learn and meditate on what is right, pure, and noble (Phil. 4:8) but allow it to permeate past my intellect.
"When I am afraid, I will put my trust in Thee." —Psalm 56:3
In other news, I am staying another night in Texas due to the nasty weather that is taking the southern states by (snow) storm. I am also both extremely excited and extremely nervouse about several impending events.
Excited:
1. The iphone is coming to Verizon!!!
2. My Suite-mate is getting married!!! (I'm sorry I didn't put you in front of the iphone.)
3. I had my interview with Camp Olympia and thought it went well! (that only merits one exclamation mark)
Nervous:
Wow. Now that I'm actually considering writing these down, they sound pretty stupid. I guess I'll keep them to myself for now. But if you feel obliged, I would appreciate general prayer.
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair." —A Tale of Two Cities
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