Dunno

Wow, there is so much I could (potentially) write about; consequently, there's nothing I can (succinctly) write about! Well, there's a choice: to write or not to write... Well, I'm already writing.... that was one of the easier decisions I've made!

For one, I can write about being sick. I'm sure, it doesn't seem the most enthralling topic in your mind. That's ok, you'll adjust. As I just said, I've been sick. Terribly, no-good, very bad sick. I've been achy, chilly, feverish, sneezy, congested, and cloudy among other things. I've taken over 50 pills in 7 days, and eaten more oranges than I can remember! All to no avail... ok, to SLOW avail; because I AM getting better, slowly (as molasses, as they say). The rebound effect on my emotional life has been hard to deal with. It's as if the better my body feels physically, the harder I am pressed emotionally and mentally. For those of you who know me, this may come as a shock; seeing as I am (in general) an "emotional rock." In general, this is true; but in recent days this couldn't be farther from the truth! I've shed tears the way snakes shed layers, leaving a trail of sadness like skins behind me. It's not that I'm a miserable person, don't get me wrong. Lately, though, I've been a downtrodden person. Hardly due to circumstances, seeing as I'm surrounded by encouraging and godly companions and accountability. So, the question (or at least my question) is, "why?" Though sadness is familiar to me, tears are foreign. Perhaps, I am merely practicing what it looks like to allow my feelings to translate into authentic action. While I think this is good, I don't think it is good long-term: while sincerity itself is a prized virtue, sincerity without discretion is a detrimental (not to mention annoying) quality. Take, for example, Miss Ever-Honest. While everyone appreciates Miss Ever-Honest when she notices their strengths, they begin to shun her as she points out their flaws (notice I did not say "sins," because being honest about sin—while being a very good thing—won't win you many fans). Miss Ever-Honest cannot help herself, she had to tell that person they are having a bad hair day. She simply MUST communicate to the aspiring artist that she can't draw to save her life. She does not merely respond with her honest opinion, she is compelled to share it at every opportunity. She actually looks for and MAKES opportunities to heap truth—almost as a burden—onto an unsuspecting soul. 

Where was I going with this???

Oh yeah, feelings. My "Ever-Honest" example applies to feelings/actions as well. While it is good IN GENERAL to acknowledge (identify, be aware of) what one is feeling, and while it may be good that one is not "hiding" or "disguising" one's feelings by acting like they feel something different, it is not good for a person to be driven by feelings. It is one things to acknowledge that I feel sad, and perhaps even to cry as an expression of it. However, the cycle of thinking-feeling-acting is run on momentum; and it is hard to stop thinking-feeling-acting in a certain way once you've been running that course for awhile. So, while I may desire sincerity above happiness, crying whenever I feel sad simply perpetuates my despair. As I think about being sad, so I feel sad, so I act sad, so I feel sad, so I think I'm sad, so I act sad, etc. 

While this may APPEAR to be an endless cycle, it is actually a hopeful one. Since there is not a clear beginning or ending to the circle of thinking-feeling-acting, there is no "right" or "wrong" place to start. One simply inserts healing into wherever one is currently at! So, if I am thinking about how I am sad, I can address that thinking with truth; if I'm feeling sad, I am not doomed to then act out that feeling, I can choose to act differently. If I am already in the process of acting out the sadness, I am not destined to form a habit. Rather, whether thinking, feeling, or acting, I am still able (and called) to live "moment by moment" for God's glory (opinion, recognition, fame). 

Did you adjust? Is talking about sickness perhaps a bit more relatable to you? I am glad you joined me on this journey of teasing out the thinking-feeling-acting cycle. While I'm no expert, I am experienced (and so are you!). We think and feel and act everyday, whether or not we think about, feel, or act on it! So, think what you will, feel what you must, and act on what you may; but do not fall into the "thinking-feeling-acting" trap: no matter how big the circle seems, and no matter how long it's been going on, you can insert truth and healing at ANY point in the circle. 

Oh, and be honest, but hold truth (by definition of God and His word, not them and their textbooks) above even sincerity. 

Comments

  1. love it! love your writing! (so true) love you!

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