Sifting Through Summer: Part Three
I figure I've left you waiting long enough. Those of you devoted blog readers (the few, the brave) are probably tired of asking yourself "what game?!?!" and are at the end of your "patience" rope. Yeah, so am I. In fact, I'm starting to wonder exactly what "game" I was referring to! I'll do my best to present the "fun" part of my summer in the most enthralling way possible.
Remember when I said I didn't sit on the sidelines? I meant it. In previous years and previous summers, I was content with vicarious activity. It was fun enough for me to simply watch people have fun, but I wasn't actually the one having the fun. This summer, I HAD a lot of fun! First off, my friend group transformed from comfortable and similar, to diverse and spontaneous. In summers past, my friend group was mostly girls: good, Christian girls around my same age. I'm not saying this was a bad thing, but it was a safe thing. This summer, my friend group was primarily guys: the awesome, random, quirky, bold, straightforward type. It was a breath of fresh air, even though I had to hone a different part of my personality to avoid being eaten alive in their competitive presence. Girls are competitive, too, but in a more subtle way. In my experience, hanging out with girls is "happy go lucky" on the outside with "stormy waters" underneath. There's a lot of secret cat fights or hurts or opinions left unsaid. There's also a lot of subgrouping. With my guy friends, pretty much everything was open. I didn't have to analyze the verbal message in order to get the "real" message: what they said is what they meant. Also, guys are a lot more playful than girls. "One upping" became my way of life, and I like to think I can banter with the best of them. Guys have a completely different conversational style than girls. With my gal pals, there's a lot of co-rumination (pondering the ups and downs of each other's lives and offering appropriate celebration or comfort). With my guy friends, there wasn't so much TALKING about life as there was LIVING life. It's a healthy perspective I wish crossed the gender border more often.
In addition to this new social game, I played a lot of traditional games: volleyball, pool basketball, catch phrase, cards, and dance dance revolution! I have very little (or maybe just underdeveloped) hand-eye coordination, but this time it didn't stop me from entering the playing field. I think I was even on the winning end of a few of the games (especially DDR). Not only did I try, but I DID. There was a lot of "newness" about my summer; a lot of firsts. First time getting paid over minimum wage, first time experiencing the perks of being 21, first time driving my own car (and having my own car for that matter). First time playing a bar chord on the guitar, first time taking initiative in relationships, first time genuinely wrestling with God.
It was a challenging summer, as well as an exciting one. I learned some major life lessons I hope have followed me past summer. I learned about practical optimism (the "choice" kind, not the "feeling" kind). I learned about relationships (and that my role is not simply that of a helpless and passive item for sale, waiting for someone to notice me). I learned about boldness in my faith (that being a "silent witness" may be effective, but is not solely sufficient in the life of someone in love with their God). I learned that God may seem inattentive, uncooperative, and late; but what He does with me doesn't necessarily reflect how He feels about me. And what I do with God shouldn't be solely based on what He does with me. God blesses me infinitely, and I think we are both changed in response to that blessing, but sometimes God turns His volume down and I just have to trust that He's still playing even though I can't hear Him.
I suppose God has to trust sometimes. Trust that I'll return to Him even though I don't seem sold on the idea all the time. As much as I hurt when I think God's abandoned me, I'm sure He hurts when I abandon Him. Hasn't He put enough into me to convince me of His love? If I were God, I would've stopped chasing a long time ago. Just so you know, He hasn't. Even though my summer was spiritually pressing, it wasn't crushing. I like to think I came out all the stronger, all the more genuine, and all the more in love with God, despite feeling like I'm in a spiritual winter.
After all, I may not like the cold, but there's hope in the snow.
And as the snow falls, summer comes to an end.
Remember when I said I didn't sit on the sidelines? I meant it. In previous years and previous summers, I was content with vicarious activity. It was fun enough for me to simply watch people have fun, but I wasn't actually the one having the fun. This summer, I HAD a lot of fun! First off, my friend group transformed from comfortable and similar, to diverse and spontaneous. In summers past, my friend group was mostly girls: good, Christian girls around my same age. I'm not saying this was a bad thing, but it was a safe thing. This summer, my friend group was primarily guys: the awesome, random, quirky, bold, straightforward type. It was a breath of fresh air, even though I had to hone a different part of my personality to avoid being eaten alive in their competitive presence. Girls are competitive, too, but in a more subtle way. In my experience, hanging out with girls is "happy go lucky" on the outside with "stormy waters" underneath. There's a lot of secret cat fights or hurts or opinions left unsaid. There's also a lot of subgrouping. With my guy friends, pretty much everything was open. I didn't have to analyze the verbal message in order to get the "real" message: what they said is what they meant. Also, guys are a lot more playful than girls. "One upping" became my way of life, and I like to think I can banter with the best of them. Guys have a completely different conversational style than girls. With my gal pals, there's a lot of co-rumination (pondering the ups and downs of each other's lives and offering appropriate celebration or comfort). With my guy friends, there wasn't so much TALKING about life as there was LIVING life. It's a healthy perspective I wish crossed the gender border more often.
In addition to this new social game, I played a lot of traditional games: volleyball, pool basketball, catch phrase, cards, and dance dance revolution! I have very little (or maybe just underdeveloped) hand-eye coordination, but this time it didn't stop me from entering the playing field. I think I was even on the winning end of a few of the games (especially DDR). Not only did I try, but I DID. There was a lot of "newness" about my summer; a lot of firsts. First time getting paid over minimum wage, first time experiencing the perks of being 21, first time driving my own car (and having my own car for that matter). First time playing a bar chord on the guitar, first time taking initiative in relationships, first time genuinely wrestling with God.
It was a challenging summer, as well as an exciting one. I learned some major life lessons I hope have followed me past summer. I learned about practical optimism (the "choice" kind, not the "feeling" kind). I learned about relationships (and that my role is not simply that of a helpless and passive item for sale, waiting for someone to notice me). I learned about boldness in my faith (that being a "silent witness" may be effective, but is not solely sufficient in the life of someone in love with their God). I learned that God may seem inattentive, uncooperative, and late; but what He does with me doesn't necessarily reflect how He feels about me. And what I do with God shouldn't be solely based on what He does with me. God blesses me infinitely, and I think we are both changed in response to that blessing, but sometimes God turns His volume down and I just have to trust that He's still playing even though I can't hear Him.
I suppose God has to trust sometimes. Trust that I'll return to Him even though I don't seem sold on the idea all the time. As much as I hurt when I think God's abandoned me, I'm sure He hurts when I abandon Him. Hasn't He put enough into me to convince me of His love? If I were God, I would've stopped chasing a long time ago. Just so you know, He hasn't. Even though my summer was spiritually pressing, it wasn't crushing. I like to think I came out all the stronger, all the more genuine, and all the more in love with God, despite feeling like I'm in a spiritual winter.
After all, I may not like the cold, but there's hope in the snow.
And as the snow falls, summer comes to an end.
Love the post! Remember, after the Winter comes the Spring . . .
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