The Clay

Do I have to be the clay? It's hard to sit still and let the Potter mold me and change me the way He sees best. I'd rather just throw myself headlong into the kiln and get on the shelf already. Of course, if I did that, I'd be a blob on display; to the amusement (and disappointment) of my Creator, who'd envisioned so much more of me. I guess that's one reason God is continually teaching me about humility: I don't have the perspective to say what's best for me. Who am I anyway, that God incorporates my wants into His formation of me? As He lovingly and purposefully creates this fragile vessel, He leans over and asks, what do you think about this? He allows me to choose, He invites me to participate. It's awe-inspiring.

The difficulty for me comes in giving over my right as potter of my own clay. It's scary giving away this right because it opens the door for brokenness. Brokenness, I know, is often helpful on the road to surrender, but I for one am apt to start the journey all over again if by chance I make it to a check-in point. If I keep walking over my own footsteps, than I'll keep opening the same wounds: that's a lot of brokenness.

On the bright side, God is faithful, and much more patient with me than I am with myself. He keeps encouraging me (and challenging me) with His word. I'm reading Jeremiahright now, and am confronted nearly everyday with Gods frustration toward Israel because of their blatant disregard for His commandments. This confrontation, in turn, reminds me of my own disregard for God's voice in my life. I've experienced several clear experiences in the past two weeks where God has asked me to do something. I convinced myself that these requests were SO simple that they were unimportant, and I willingly refused to comply for fear of onlookers and inconveniences. It's sad that I can beg for God's clarity in his call, but reject it when recognize it. Hmmmmm.... a little more time in the Potter's hands might be in order.

Amazingly, I actually followed through and obeyed God for once this week. I think it made us both proud! It was incredibly painful for me, and is a subject God will no doubt revisit next week, but I humbled myself and followed Him. I don't do that tangibly very often. It's easy for me to obey the inner, intangible requests of my Savior, but when o have to physically move or act, I hesitate and balk and stubbornly stand my ground for fear. For fear of what? Mostly just fear itself.

Again, it's such a miracle that God has more patience with me than I have with myself.

"I love You, Lord, and I lift my voice to worship You. Oh, my soul rejoice! Take joy, my King, in what You hear. May it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear."