Adjusting to all the Things
hey.
It's been a minute.
10 months of minutes.
I find that the longer I stay away from blogging, the harder it seems to start again. It's a bit like talking to two friends, one you talk to every day, but the other you haven't talked to in years. There seems like there's so much to say in the latter conversation. As time builds and silence builds, so does the patience in teasing out all the changes and shifts, big and little.
I should also apologize in advance. I'm writing this blog from my phone, which likely means there will be typos or weird words or phrases, courtesy of faithful editor in chief, autocorrect. Please bear with me.
I have a lot I could write about in this space, but what's been most present on my mind is what Jesus has been teaching me lately. I think it's a theme I've realized for a long time but haven't quite been ready to dive into. I'm not convinced I even have a word for it. The words that come to mind are patience, acceptance, openness, trust, faith, flow, surrender. It's kind of like how wisdom is different than knowledge. The art of waiting (active trusting) is different from avoidance, passivity, indifference, and even stillness. At least, that's what I think about when I try and nail down what I'm coming to.
For me, the more life I live and the more mistakes I make and the more dreams I wake up from and the more people I hurt and the more choices I make... the more I realize my comfort zone, and how difficult it is to be in any zone outside my comfort zone.
Have you ever been to a chiropractor? (If not, hit me up cause I have a great one I recommend). In my experience, going to the chiropractor can be life changing, providing relief and alignment on a physical level that perhaps transcends beyond that to provide other kinds of healing. Yet, the process is extremely off-putting but in the slightest way. You go in for your adjustment, and as you walk out, you feel somehow just off, you're body isn't used to walking and moving at that alignment. It's subtle but crucial, and there's nothing you can do to get out of that discomfort. In fact, you're not supposed to get out of it. You're supposed to get used to it. And you do, over time, but every new adjustment brings with it that weird sense of unfamiliarity.
It's a remarkable physical experience but I think I experience this mentally all the time. Growth is not glamorous. It's awkward. It's annoying. It doesn't feel right (right away). It's a foreign task, a new language. It's always a first, by definition. There is no formula for getting used to it. Yet, life gives us adjustments again and again... we can either take them blindly, or trust that there's a Chiropractor out there that can help us re-align where needed.
2 Corinthians 4:16 says it like this: "Therefore, we do not despair. Even if our physical body is wearing away, our inner person is being renewed day by day."
There are tons of other passages about the nature of transformation, some emphasize the radical and obvious shift, while other passages key in on the consistency, long-suffering, and intentionality of the transformation. I choose this verse in particular because it reminds me that Jesus is taking action in my life each and every freaking day to renew my spirit. He makes giving me life part of His daily routine. He offers me daily adjustments, if you will, that when I'm in step with them may feel a bit odd or unfamiliar compared to my comfort zone, but are by that exact discomfort giving me the opportunity to let my spirit be renewed and re-aligned.
Maybe I'm rambling at this point, but I can say I'm thankful that I don't have to sit in discomfort wondering when it's going to end. Rather, I can experience discomfort knowing I'm in a re-alignment period. As someone who is quick to run and quick to get out from under pain, trust is a difficult task to accept. But I'm learning that the more I resist the change, and the more I try to control it and manipulate it, the more attached I get to my own power, my own logic, my own reasoning, my own kingdom. But, when I can hold my desires out openly, being vulnerable and not hiding them from people AND not holding fierce attachment to their fruition... well, that's the gold standard.
That brings me to the second half of what I've been learning. Yes, I need to let go sometimes and be willing to wait... but waiting doesn't mean embracing paralysis, stuckness, despair, or powerlessness. Waiting is more about your heart than your hands, it's not about what you do and don't do so much as it is about your motivations. (Ok ok, yes, actions do show what you truly feel and believe, and they can be one way to develop proper motivation... but a right action with a wrong heart is likely a wrong action).
Lately, I've thought waiting and being patient for God to act meant saying as little as possible when people asked me what I wanted to do, planning as little as possible for the future, hunkering down and isolating in order to heal and hear from God, and journaling or praying until some magic lightbulb moment would hit and I'd suddenly know what to do. While many of those things are good in their time, I was wrong. That's not what waiting means. My heart was more in defeat than it was trust. I realize that now, and I'm feeling hopeful that in realizing this, I can learn to wait and trust God's plan in a much more effective way, that not only glorifies Him but also moves me to deeper trust, more authentic actions, sincere hopes, loose attachments, empowerment rather than manipulation, and an informed joy.
Thanks for reading.
It's been a minute.
10 months of minutes.
I find that the longer I stay away from blogging, the harder it seems to start again. It's a bit like talking to two friends, one you talk to every day, but the other you haven't talked to in years. There seems like there's so much to say in the latter conversation. As time builds and silence builds, so does the patience in teasing out all the changes and shifts, big and little.
I should also apologize in advance. I'm writing this blog from my phone, which likely means there will be typos or weird words or phrases, courtesy of faithful editor in chief, autocorrect. Please bear with me.
I have a lot I could write about in this space, but what's been most present on my mind is what Jesus has been teaching me lately. I think it's a theme I've realized for a long time but haven't quite been ready to dive into. I'm not convinced I even have a word for it. The words that come to mind are patience, acceptance, openness, trust, faith, flow, surrender. It's kind of like how wisdom is different than knowledge. The art of waiting (active trusting) is different from avoidance, passivity, indifference, and even stillness. At least, that's what I think about when I try and nail down what I'm coming to.
For me, the more life I live and the more mistakes I make and the more dreams I wake up from and the more people I hurt and the more choices I make... the more I realize my comfort zone, and how difficult it is to be in any zone outside my comfort zone.
Have you ever been to a chiropractor? (If not, hit me up cause I have a great one I recommend). In my experience, going to the chiropractor can be life changing, providing relief and alignment on a physical level that perhaps transcends beyond that to provide other kinds of healing. Yet, the process is extremely off-putting but in the slightest way. You go in for your adjustment, and as you walk out, you feel somehow just off, you're body isn't used to walking and moving at that alignment. It's subtle but crucial, and there's nothing you can do to get out of that discomfort. In fact, you're not supposed to get out of it. You're supposed to get used to it. And you do, over time, but every new adjustment brings with it that weird sense of unfamiliarity.
It's a remarkable physical experience but I think I experience this mentally all the time. Growth is not glamorous. It's awkward. It's annoying. It doesn't feel right (right away). It's a foreign task, a new language. It's always a first, by definition. There is no formula for getting used to it. Yet, life gives us adjustments again and again... we can either take them blindly, or trust that there's a Chiropractor out there that can help us re-align where needed.
2 Corinthians 4:16 says it like this: "Therefore, we do not despair. Even if our physical body is wearing away, our inner person is being renewed day by day."
There are tons of other passages about the nature of transformation, some emphasize the radical and obvious shift, while other passages key in on the consistency, long-suffering, and intentionality of the transformation. I choose this verse in particular because it reminds me that Jesus is taking action in my life each and every freaking day to renew my spirit. He makes giving me life part of His daily routine. He offers me daily adjustments, if you will, that when I'm in step with them may feel a bit odd or unfamiliar compared to my comfort zone, but are by that exact discomfort giving me the opportunity to let my spirit be renewed and re-aligned.
Maybe I'm rambling at this point, but I can say I'm thankful that I don't have to sit in discomfort wondering when it's going to end. Rather, I can experience discomfort knowing I'm in a re-alignment period. As someone who is quick to run and quick to get out from under pain, trust is a difficult task to accept. But I'm learning that the more I resist the change, and the more I try to control it and manipulate it, the more attached I get to my own power, my own logic, my own reasoning, my own kingdom. But, when I can hold my desires out openly, being vulnerable and not hiding them from people AND not holding fierce attachment to their fruition... well, that's the gold standard.
That brings me to the second half of what I've been learning. Yes, I need to let go sometimes and be willing to wait... but waiting doesn't mean embracing paralysis, stuckness, despair, or powerlessness. Waiting is more about your heart than your hands, it's not about what you do and don't do so much as it is about your motivations. (Ok ok, yes, actions do show what you truly feel and believe, and they can be one way to develop proper motivation... but a right action with a wrong heart is likely a wrong action).
Lately, I've thought waiting and being patient for God to act meant saying as little as possible when people asked me what I wanted to do, planning as little as possible for the future, hunkering down and isolating in order to heal and hear from God, and journaling or praying until some magic lightbulb moment would hit and I'd suddenly know what to do. While many of those things are good in their time, I was wrong. That's not what waiting means. My heart was more in defeat than it was trust. I realize that now, and I'm feeling hopeful that in realizing this, I can learn to wait and trust God's plan in a much more effective way, that not only glorifies Him but also moves me to deeper trust, more authentic actions, sincere hopes, loose attachments, empowerment rather than manipulation, and an informed joy.
Thanks for reading.
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