Lifesavers: a Gift and a Necessity
I've been thinking lately about the question "How are you?" Mostly, I've been thinking about a response I've been hearing and giving lately: "I'm holding up." People typically take this response to mean that I'm doing well, that I'm strong and that I need no further talking to or support. It reminds me of how people so quickly accept and move one when another answers "I'm good." However, if you think about the answer "I'm holding up," there's a weight to that answer. Yes, this person is strong, but they are also burdened. Instead of stopping the conversation, the response stimulates a further question, "What are you holding up?"
I personally experienced this while I was in DC for a counseling conference. I learned how strong, how talented, how visionary, and how gifted I am (I am truly grateful for the incredible grace of confidence in these things). I left the conference with a renewed spark of idealism: I can change the world, and I can change myself. This realization is the "She is strong" side to the coin of "holding up." On the other side of the coin was the darkness associated with my experience at the conference. I can say that my eyes were truly opened to the deep and unwavering depravity people possess (myself included) and I was hurt to watch that depravity practiced toward me and toward people I care about
(as a side note, it's devastating to watch the people who should be showing by example completely sacrifice the chance to empower others for the small taste of glory by force and manipulation. Think if you were stranded in the desert but were given a map that could help lead you and your family to an oasis. However, you were visited by a traveler who offered you a glass of water on the spot if you traded the map. In that moment of selfishness and shortsightedness, you made the exchange you you enjoyed that water; but you also condemned yourself and your family to a slow and painful death.)
Ok, my to my point...
Being both witness to the darkness and receiver of it, I experienced the "burdened" side of what it means to be "holding on." In that moment, you can feel the very real and frightening possibility that something might go up in flames, and that you might lose something very dear to you. You know you can handle it, but you don't welcome the pain.
With this double-sided "holding on" experience of the conference, I became a conduit: I received unconditional love, encouragement, support, and confidence from someone who decided for whatever reason that I was worth it. I want every human on the planet to feel what that's like, and a large part of my purpose in life will be passing that kind of unrelenting love forward. Hence, the conduit analogy: I had the opportunity at the conference to see many individuals who were hurting, and I decided to seek them out, to spend time with them, to listen to them without judgment. Why? Because I saw them, I chose them, and I knew they were worth it.
There are many take-aways from my time in DC, but one of them is that everyone needs a "lifesaver" to go to. It is figuratively the most life-giving experience to be shared between two people (whereas physical intimacy is probably the most literal life-giving experience shared between people).
It is a gift.
If you have this gift, give it away freely. You may believe you'll exhaust yourself or you'll create clingy followers, but the voice that tells you those things is feeding off of fear. Fear will never motivate you to love because fear and love are opposed to one another. Cast off your fear and open your arms. I guarantee there's someone in your life who's been holding on for someone like you to show up.
It is a necessity.
Many of us are familiar with the song "Lean on me," in which the refrain states "we all need somebody." We know this to be true, but we don't often let this theoretical understanding impact us practically. We are jealous of others who have this connection when we don't. We quickly minimize our pain and refute others' offers of aid in an attempt to "be ok on our own." We know that we need somebody, but we act like we don't want them or need them. This is a cultural phenomenon that needs to be eradicated. The chasm between knowledge and practice needs to close. Why? Because life depends on it. Not "chronos" (time" life, but "zoe" (vitality and vibrancy) life.
In all this, I want to say thank you. Thank you for reading and for considering your ability to give life to others. Take what you know and practice it. Do not allow fear to keep you from loving. Do not allow pride keep you from asking for love, and do not allow foolishness to let you remain as you are, unchanged. For stagnation is the worst fate this world could endure.
Love and be loved.
I personally experienced this while I was in DC for a counseling conference. I learned how strong, how talented, how visionary, and how gifted I am (I am truly grateful for the incredible grace of confidence in these things). I left the conference with a renewed spark of idealism: I can change the world, and I can change myself. This realization is the "She is strong" side to the coin of "holding up." On the other side of the coin was the darkness associated with my experience at the conference. I can say that my eyes were truly opened to the deep and unwavering depravity people possess (myself included) and I was hurt to watch that depravity practiced toward me and toward people I care about
(as a side note, it's devastating to watch the people who should be showing by example completely sacrifice the chance to empower others for the small taste of glory by force and manipulation. Think if you were stranded in the desert but were given a map that could help lead you and your family to an oasis. However, you were visited by a traveler who offered you a glass of water on the spot if you traded the map. In that moment of selfishness and shortsightedness, you made the exchange you you enjoyed that water; but you also condemned yourself and your family to a slow and painful death.)
Ok, my to my point...
Being both witness to the darkness and receiver of it, I experienced the "burdened" side of what it means to be "holding on." In that moment, you can feel the very real and frightening possibility that something might go up in flames, and that you might lose something very dear to you. You know you can handle it, but you don't welcome the pain.
With this double-sided "holding on" experience of the conference, I became a conduit: I received unconditional love, encouragement, support, and confidence from someone who decided for whatever reason that I was worth it. I want every human on the planet to feel what that's like, and a large part of my purpose in life will be passing that kind of unrelenting love forward. Hence, the conduit analogy: I had the opportunity at the conference to see many individuals who were hurting, and I decided to seek them out, to spend time with them, to listen to them without judgment. Why? Because I saw them, I chose them, and I knew they were worth it.
There are many take-aways from my time in DC, but one of them is that everyone needs a "lifesaver" to go to. It is figuratively the most life-giving experience to be shared between two people (whereas physical intimacy is probably the most literal life-giving experience shared between people).
It is a gift.
If you have this gift, give it away freely. You may believe you'll exhaust yourself or you'll create clingy followers, but the voice that tells you those things is feeding off of fear. Fear will never motivate you to love because fear and love are opposed to one another. Cast off your fear and open your arms. I guarantee there's someone in your life who's been holding on for someone like you to show up.
It is a necessity.
Many of us are familiar with the song "Lean on me," in which the refrain states "we all need somebody." We know this to be true, but we don't often let this theoretical understanding impact us practically. We are jealous of others who have this connection when we don't. We quickly minimize our pain and refute others' offers of aid in an attempt to "be ok on our own." We know that we need somebody, but we act like we don't want them or need them. This is a cultural phenomenon that needs to be eradicated. The chasm between knowledge and practice needs to close. Why? Because life depends on it. Not "chronos" (time" life, but "zoe" (vitality and vibrancy) life.
In all this, I want to say thank you. Thank you for reading and for considering your ability to give life to others. Take what you know and practice it. Do not allow fear to keep you from loving. Do not allow pride keep you from asking for love, and do not allow foolishness to let you remain as you are, unchanged. For stagnation is the worst fate this world could endure.
Love and be loved.
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