Four More Rules of Communication
Many of you know, more of you don't know, while at Vision of Hope I was introduced to "The Four Rules of Communication" from Ephesians 4. They are: Be Honest. Keep Current. Act, Don't React. and Attack the Problem, not the Person.
Many of you don't know, less of you do know, that attending Crossbridge Community Church this last week I was introduced to four different rules of communication, taken from the same package. They are: Face the Facts, Banish Bitterness, Give Grace, and Repent and be Reconciled.
I'm not here to point out who did a better job at representing the passage, or who's rules are catchier, or anything like that. I am interested in the differences between the two, because I agree with God that diversity can be cool. I think it's interesting that two people can look at the same passage and get different, practical, BIBLICAL responses that have little if any resemblance to the other's observations! In this case, there are more similarities than differences between the two sets of "rules," but the point remains: diversity remains.
So, here's a brief definition of dealing with conflict using the Four Rules Crossbridge CC drew from Ephesians 4. (Keep in mind, I'm writing more for me than for you. Writing helps me process and remember/encode...).
1) Face the Facts: this comes from Ephesians 4:25 (laying aside falsehood, speak truth one to another). Pretty straightforward, this "rule" basically upholds truth and denounces lies. When you're in the middle of conflict (whether being confronted or doing the confronting) your priority should be founded on truth. No, this isn't a "loop hole" for "I have to be right in any argument." Rather, it's about understanding what's really going on, taking the log out of your own eye (what did you do wrong in the conflict) and refusing to minimize or blow things out of proportion.
Banish Bitterness: this comes from Ephesians 4:25-28 (don't let the sun go down on your anger, don't give the devil an opportunity). This is basically the refusal to stew. It doesn't mean that if you're sick and tired you can't "shelve" the conversation until morning. Rather, it demonstrates a commitment to reckoning, rather than recording and re-using the other person's mistakes. Remember, bitterness is poison, that you're dumping down your own throat.
Give Grace: this comes from Ephesians 4:29 (which says every word that comes out of my mouth should give grace to the one who hears). This is basically the idea of sensitivity. Every conflict is delicate and must be dealt with accordingly. Conflict is more like eye surgery than home demolition. If you are doing the confronting, approach the situation gracefully. If you are being confronted, approach the feedback carefully. No matter what end of the spectrum you're on, grace applies. It doesn't really matter if the other person it being graceful or not, this challenge is for you and me!
Repent and be Reconciled: this comes from Ephesians 4:30-32 (put away malice and wrath and clamor and bitterness; forgive each other as Christ forgave you). At the end of the conflict, you and the other person should be closer to each other and closer to God. That's the goal. As each person focuses on their offenses toward God and the need to repent, they consequently begin to address the offenses they've committed against each other and experience forgiveness and (hopefully) reconciliation.
Well, that's it. I'm definitely getting the chance to use these ideas in my daily life. It's no secret that people have conflict. It's as much a part of humanity as eating and drinking and breathing.
Many of you don't know, less of you do know, that attending Crossbridge Community Church this last week I was introduced to four different rules of communication, taken from the same package. They are: Face the Facts, Banish Bitterness, Give Grace, and Repent and be Reconciled.
I'm not here to point out who did a better job at representing the passage, or who's rules are catchier, or anything like that. I am interested in the differences between the two, because I agree with God that diversity can be cool. I think it's interesting that two people can look at the same passage and get different, practical, BIBLICAL responses that have little if any resemblance to the other's observations! In this case, there are more similarities than differences between the two sets of "rules," but the point remains: diversity remains.
So, here's a brief definition of dealing with conflict using the Four Rules Crossbridge CC drew from Ephesians 4. (Keep in mind, I'm writing more for me than for you. Writing helps me process and remember/encode...).
1) Face the Facts: this comes from Ephesians 4:25 (laying aside falsehood, speak truth one to another). Pretty straightforward, this "rule" basically upholds truth and denounces lies. When you're in the middle of conflict (whether being confronted or doing the confronting) your priority should be founded on truth. No, this isn't a "loop hole" for "I have to be right in any argument." Rather, it's about understanding what's really going on, taking the log out of your own eye (what did you do wrong in the conflict) and refusing to minimize or blow things out of proportion.
Banish Bitterness: this comes from Ephesians 4:25-28 (don't let the sun go down on your anger, don't give the devil an opportunity). This is basically the refusal to stew. It doesn't mean that if you're sick and tired you can't "shelve" the conversation until morning. Rather, it demonstrates a commitment to reckoning, rather than recording and re-using the other person's mistakes. Remember, bitterness is poison, that you're dumping down your own throat.
Give Grace: this comes from Ephesians 4:29 (which says every word that comes out of my mouth should give grace to the one who hears). This is basically the idea of sensitivity. Every conflict is delicate and must be dealt with accordingly. Conflict is more like eye surgery than home demolition. If you are doing the confronting, approach the situation gracefully. If you are being confronted, approach the feedback carefully. No matter what end of the spectrum you're on, grace applies. It doesn't really matter if the other person it being graceful or not, this challenge is for you and me!
Repent and be Reconciled: this comes from Ephesians 4:30-32 (put away malice and wrath and clamor and bitterness; forgive each other as Christ forgave you). At the end of the conflict, you and the other person should be closer to each other and closer to God. That's the goal. As each person focuses on their offenses toward God and the need to repent, they consequently begin to address the offenses they've committed against each other and experience forgiveness and (hopefully) reconciliation.
Well, that's it. I'm definitely getting the chance to use these ideas in my daily life. It's no secret that people have conflict. It's as much a part of humanity as eating and drinking and breathing.
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post! :)
~Sarah Shaw
cutecombinations.blogspot.com
Thank you, Sarah!
ReplyDelete