Everything is Ok (and there's nothing you can do about it)
Hola, folks! I hope this (what day is it?) wednesday has treated you with as much flair as leopard print rain boots. Yeah… I don't know where that came from… I think I'm running on caffeine fumes.
Today, I had another orientation! This one was for the CED department at UNCG (and if you don't already have enough acronyms, my track is the CMHC track). The orientation ran from 11:30am to 4:30pm, and included (blah blah blah blah) it was great! There are 33 people in my cohort (year) and 11 in my track (CMHC). We played some youth group worthy ice-breaker games (including something akin to speed dating) and spent some time talking to current students and faculty about what to expect from this upcoming semester.
It didn't matter who we spoke with, a form of the phrase "your about to become overwhelmed, but it's ok" was used as liberally as the amount of peanut butter I put on my PBJ sandwiches (it's a lot). I cannot stress to you the amount of times the current students told us that life was about to get cray, our self-awareness was about to go through the roof, and our relationships were about to go through growing pains. In fact, the first "piece of advice" from the current students to us new students was "splurge on the expensive planner… maybe get two." Hmmmmm…. Weirdly, I'm not phased by this. I fully acknowledge I might be in some sort of "denial" about how much work this semester might be… but I honestly don't care. If the semester really does get insane, I wanna savor my sanity for as long as I possibly can. If the semester ends up not being as bad as people make it out to be, I won't be one of the students wasting my mental energy dreading a fantasy. In other words, just give me today. That's what I can handle. That's what I can enjoy.
Along with the advice about impending doom, the current students told us to get a journal (or blog!) to record our experiences from day-to-day because apparently there's going to be a lot of personal growth to come this year. I don't know if I'm arrogant or ignorant, but I kinda think I'm already really self-aware. I know my flaws, my insecurities, my dreams, my strengths, my weaknesses, etc. Of course, I verbalize I have a TON to learn… I just don't know what those lessons are exactly.
So, one thing I took away from today is the question, "What do I want my experience to be here at UNCG?" Looking back, what do I imagine loving/wanting about the time I spent at UNCG? What part of my grad program will I find valuable? Then, once I can identify a vision, I can create a missions: how I'm going to make those things reality. I'll maybe spend some more time thinking about this… but right now a few things come into my head when I imagine reflecting on my time here:
1) I wanna have good friends (I can hear some maternal voice in my head trilling "than BE a good friend!")
2) I wanna be vulnerable (this will be the hardest one. I don't readily let down certain walls, especially if I don't trust the person I'm with)
3) I wanna be remembered (as kind, smart, and supportive)
4) I wanna know my professors (soooo maybe spend 5 min before or after class talking to them? Maybe think of some questions I want to ask them?)
5) I wanna have fun (for some reason this is the only one that produces a small amount of anxiety when I see it on-screen. As if seeing it and saying it will somehow create a curse that will prevent me from accomplishing it. Like if I get busy this will be the first thing I drop, and I'll somehow ban fun from my life for every minute of my program… which isn't possible and isn't really like me anyway. I may not stay out late and party etc but laughter and fun and adventure are core pieces of my identity. No amount of busyness is going to change that).
I guess that's it! Thanks for bearing with me and congrats for making it to the end of another blog post of mine. OHHHH I almost forgot! The whole reason I titled this post as such is because it occurred to me that I don't have a say in whether "everything is ok" or whether it isn't. I can subjectively decide that I'm not satisfied with my life or someone else's life, but that doesn't change reality for me or them. Additionally, my life can be full of blessings and I can still be unsatisfied and think things aren't ok; but honestly my life is "ok" only because Jesus makes it so. Jesus leads me, blesses me, disciplines me, comforts me, and strengthens me; many times using the circumstances in my life. In the same way He looked at creation and pronounced it good, He looks at my life and says "everything is ok" (heck, maybe He even pronounces it "good" like creation!). I don't know why, but that's incredibly reassuring for me: just to know that I'm ok—that I will always be ok—no matter where I go or what my circumstances are, because Jesus says He goes before me, He is my rock and my strong tower. God has brought me to this place (in this state in this city in this program in this school in this year) and it's my joy to trust Him in saying "everything is ok."
Today, I had another orientation! This one was for the CED department at UNCG (and if you don't already have enough acronyms, my track is the CMHC track). The orientation ran from 11:30am to 4:30pm, and included (blah blah blah blah) it was great! There are 33 people in my cohort (year) and 11 in my track (CMHC). We played some youth group worthy ice-breaker games (including something akin to speed dating) and spent some time talking to current students and faculty about what to expect from this upcoming semester.
It didn't matter who we spoke with, a form of the phrase "your about to become overwhelmed, but it's ok" was used as liberally as the amount of peanut butter I put on my PBJ sandwiches (it's a lot). I cannot stress to you the amount of times the current students told us that life was about to get cray, our self-awareness was about to go through the roof, and our relationships were about to go through growing pains. In fact, the first "piece of advice" from the current students to us new students was "splurge on the expensive planner… maybe get two." Hmmmmm…. Weirdly, I'm not phased by this. I fully acknowledge I might be in some sort of "denial" about how much work this semester might be… but I honestly don't care. If the semester really does get insane, I wanna savor my sanity for as long as I possibly can. If the semester ends up not being as bad as people make it out to be, I won't be one of the students wasting my mental energy dreading a fantasy. In other words, just give me today. That's what I can handle. That's what I can enjoy.
Along with the advice about impending doom, the current students told us to get a journal (or blog!) to record our experiences from day-to-day because apparently there's going to be a lot of personal growth to come this year. I don't know if I'm arrogant or ignorant, but I kinda think I'm already really self-aware. I know my flaws, my insecurities, my dreams, my strengths, my weaknesses, etc. Of course, I verbalize I have a TON to learn… I just don't know what those lessons are exactly.
So, one thing I took away from today is the question, "What do I want my experience to be here at UNCG?" Looking back, what do I imagine loving/wanting about the time I spent at UNCG? What part of my grad program will I find valuable? Then, once I can identify a vision, I can create a missions: how I'm going to make those things reality. I'll maybe spend some more time thinking about this… but right now a few things come into my head when I imagine reflecting on my time here:
1) I wanna have good friends (I can hear some maternal voice in my head trilling "than BE a good friend!")
2) I wanna be vulnerable (this will be the hardest one. I don't readily let down certain walls, especially if I don't trust the person I'm with)
3) I wanna be remembered (as kind, smart, and supportive)
4) I wanna know my professors (soooo maybe spend 5 min before or after class talking to them? Maybe think of some questions I want to ask them?)
5) I wanna have fun (for some reason this is the only one that produces a small amount of anxiety when I see it on-screen. As if seeing it and saying it will somehow create a curse that will prevent me from accomplishing it. Like if I get busy this will be the first thing I drop, and I'll somehow ban fun from my life for every minute of my program… which isn't possible and isn't really like me anyway. I may not stay out late and party etc but laughter and fun and adventure are core pieces of my identity. No amount of busyness is going to change that).
I guess that's it! Thanks for bearing with me and congrats for making it to the end of another blog post of mine. OHHHH I almost forgot! The whole reason I titled this post as such is because it occurred to me that I don't have a say in whether "everything is ok" or whether it isn't. I can subjectively decide that I'm not satisfied with my life or someone else's life, but that doesn't change reality for me or them. Additionally, my life can be full of blessings and I can still be unsatisfied and think things aren't ok; but honestly my life is "ok" only because Jesus makes it so. Jesus leads me, blesses me, disciplines me, comforts me, and strengthens me; many times using the circumstances in my life. In the same way He looked at creation and pronounced it good, He looks at my life and says "everything is ok" (heck, maybe He even pronounces it "good" like creation!). I don't know why, but that's incredibly reassuring for me: just to know that I'm ok—that I will always be ok—no matter where I go or what my circumstances are, because Jesus says He goes before me, He is my rock and my strong tower. God has brought me to this place (in this state in this city in this program in this school in this year) and it's my joy to trust Him in saying "everything is ok."
Great post. Thanks for the updae. We're praying for you. Keep integrating!
ReplyDeleteExcited for you as you begin! Praying for you!
ReplyDelete